Joseph Franklin
6 min readNov 29, 2022

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My Interview With Elon Musk

In one-on-one interview, Elon Musk says he’s “mentally retarded.”

How did you get to interview Elon Musk? My uncle is the billionaire patron of the far right. Since the youth recognize leftism as correct, my uncle insures enough of the real rejects hear the truth, as he calls it. I’m more of a nihilist, so I use my unique situation — second gen wealth — to get master’s degrees in all the humanities, write, smoke pot, and meet and learn from the movers and shakers. Art shows, yeah, but also interviews. Interviews unbeknownst to these characters. I sat down with Elon in his Think Sphere.

As I entered the thirty-six-foot glass sphere, he asked me if the Pufferfish had been up to my standard, that my uncle and he had had the Pufferfish flown in from the Phasm Gulch in the South Atlantic.

“The fish was great,” I lie. I avoided the Pufferfish.

Unwarned, he goes into a childhood story of having saved a man’s life — after being impaled by a swordfish, he, Elon, put a Pufferfish into the man’s open wound and stimulated the fish’s sperm sack to maintain inflation until emergency aid could arrive. The local sailors nicknamed Elon Pufferfish. That on Thanksgiving, puffer fish is consumed after prayerful meditation.

I tell him the food was fine.

He starts laughing. “Do you know my acquisition of Twitter was a gentleman’s bet with Jack and the boys, that I’d lost. Yes. Old Jack has a hell of mouth on him. Dorsey had tricked the quantum computer with logic and Gates defecated his pants.”

“Quantum computer?” Such a device is news to me.

“Yes,” his voice trails slowly off. Elon doesn’t respond to my curiosity about the quantum computer. I ask again but he remains in stoic silence.

“Do you know this new left?” He asks as if a detective in an interrogation room.

“Yes,” I answer. The communists on Twitter. Something he’s obsessively mentioning in the circles he and I share. Though not a threat to folks like my uncle, who represents the reactive side of capital, yada yada. But Elon, he takes photographic memory offense to every slight online. And some communist had called him a rodent, that that cut deep because of an unknown-to-the-public hardship he lived through.

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Joseph Franklin

Poet; Quadriplegic; Rust Belt; Zen; Zazen; Pop Culture;